Faking Perfection

“I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection”

— Drake

Wise words from the Grammy Award-winning rapper and singer out of Canada.

I listened to a lot of Drake even when he was only producing mixtapes and probably still starring on the show Degrassi.

That was back in the late 2000’s and early 2010’s.

Even though I rarely listen to anything he’s released in recent years, I’d still know the lyrics to any of the songs from his So Far Gone and Thank Me Later days.

So why out of all the sentences and phrases that have been spoken by thousands of philosophers, leaders, athletes, authors, and artists throughout history, did I choose to share the words of someone that I listened to as a teenager?

It was my senior quote from high school.

When I was in school, I used to get good grades in most of my classes.

I signed up for extra-curricular activities to put on my college applications, just like every other high school senior has done for decades and still does today.

Doing these things got me into a good college, where I studied civil engineering and kept up my academics (or at least got just passing grades in some cases,) which thankfully got me a solid job when I graduated.

I thought that life was pretty good. Over the next few years, I was doing well in my career, had a good social life and friends, and lived in beautiful places. By all means, a life of “perfection.”

Yet, something did not feel right.

Even though I kept progressing in my career and having fun with friends, there was this gut feeling and voice telling me that I shouldn’t be doing what I was doing, and the thought “Is this it? Is this all there is?” would not leave my brain.

I followed all of the “steps” to get to where I was, just like I was told. I got the good grades, got into a good school, and landed a good job. Wasn’t that what I was supposed to do?

Years went by as that gut feeling and inner voice became stronger and louder, to the point where I could not even think straight during the day and could not sleep during the night.

I was in constant conflict with myself at the fork in a road because I feared that choosing a different path would jeopardize all that I had worked for and spent so much of my life doing up until that point.

I finally had enough and listened to the voice, realizing that this path I was on wasn’t cutting it anymore.

I didn’t want to live a life that felt chosen for me, yet in reality, and at the same time was one that I chose.

The beauty in that realization was, if I chose this path, I can also choose to get off the path.

So in June 2022, I quit my job, sold or donated as much of my stuff as I could, and traveled for months.

All of those years of linear decision making finally came to an end, and now I was in uncharted territory.

That “perfect” path that could be seen well into the future with a family, house, and retirement, was gone.

Like shattering pottery into pieces, that’s what I felt like I had done with my identity, my career, my life, and the [illusion of] security.

I built up this image that I had it all figured out in front of friends and family.

Like I was happy working in a profession that wasn’t what I expected it to be, and one which I felt more and more out of alignment in every day.

The life I’ve been living over the past year has been a process of putting these pottery pieces back together, but this time it’s with a presence and a purpose that I didn’t have before — a golden lacquer, if you will. Kintsugi.

That quote from high school was probably the first time I had outwardly acknowledged how tired I was of seeking the perfect outcomes to unlock the next “level” of life in the form of words that someone else was saying, but couldn’t say out loud for myself.

Mike as a teenager didn’t know what to do with that realization, but the adult one does.

10 years later, and I’m finally able to express that message of it being okay to make mistakes and not trying so hard to follow an outline that’s supposed to lead to a “perfect” life.

Breaking apart that which wasn’t meant for me, to create a new one from the pieces, has been a truly incredible experience and one that is opening me up to new possibilities.

The decisions I’ve made could be seen by some as “mistakes” but for me, they were ones that I am so happy I’ve made.

Don’t be afraid to start over. Putting your pieces back together creates something more beautiful than you could ever have ever imagined.